David Bridgeman-Sutton presents a tale with a twist - and moral - for all those happy DIY organists out there
Guitarists Do It Better
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Soon after this advertisement appeared in the local newspaper, the car stood in John Dory’s garage. Beneath it lay a small but steadily increasing pool of oil: round it a larger and also increasing group of friends, family and neighbours.
John’s daughter expressed the thoughts of them all. |
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“Daddy, you can’t possibly repair this yourself. Remember the time that you replaced one of the bulbs in the organ console. You blacked out half the city, silenced every organ for miles – and ruined the Sunday lunch.”
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An acquaintance, even less tactful than most, compared John ’s lack of mechanical expertise unfavourably with the resource shown by his great-aunt – Priscilla, a noted guitarist.
Back in the 1920s, she had rescued her travelling companions when, with a hairpin and some sticking plaster, she had restored life to the Model T Ford that had broken down in a remote part of the Australian outback. (Pic. 1) |
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John Dory, it was agreed, was a fine organist and an inspirational choirmaster, who had been unfortunate in narrowly missing a prestigious appointment at All Souls’, Langham Place. It was also agreed that he pushed his technological powers to their uttermost limits whenever he unscrewed the cap of his old-fashioned fountain pen. M.G.s surely have feelings and this M.G. had every reason to be downcast.
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It was an interested and expectant group that, some months later, accepted the invitation to attend the vehicle’s trial run. The less mechanically-minded counted the number of wheels and hid their astonishment at finding all present.
The enthusiasts peered underneath and were no less surprised to see that all nuts and bolts were fitted, tight and undamaged. Not a single drop of oil marked the concrete of the drive and enquirers were assured that the axle had indeed been refilled to the correct level.
John Dory lowered himself into the driving seat, started the engine, engaged a gear and let in the clutch.
Two days later, the motoring correspondent of the same paper in which the sale had been advertised printed this letter in the regular Can Readers Help? column:
The enthusiasts peered underneath and were no less surprised to see that all nuts and bolts were fitted, tight and undamaged. Not a single drop of oil marked the concrete of the drive and enquirers were assured that the axle had indeed been refilled to the correct level.
John Dory lowered himself into the driving seat, started the engine, engaged a gear and let in the clutch.
Two days later, the motoring correspondent of the same paper in which the sale had been advertised printed this letter in the regular Can Readers Help? column:
“I have recently overhauled the back axle of my M.G. TD. Everything went well but when I engage forward gear, the car moves backwards and when I engage reverse it moves forward. What have I done wrong?
“Also, can anyone suggest how it can be removed from the thick holly hedge in which it has become embedded without further damage to the paintwork”.
“Also, can anyone suggest how it can be removed from the thick holly hedge in which it has become embedded without further damage to the paintwork”.
David Bridgeman-Sutton,
November 10, 2004
November 10, 2004
Paul Shuch offers this postscript:
"I happen to know exactly what John did wrong.
It's an easy mistake that anyone could make when rebuilding that rear axle. How did I avoid making it myself?
Simple. I purchased a replacement rear axle gear set, along with an overhaul instruction book. After reading the instructions, I decided the job was too complex for me, and sent the parts back for a refund!
My rear axle still leaks, but at least my MG knows forward from reverse".
"I happen to know exactly what John did wrong.
It's an easy mistake that anyone could make when rebuilding that rear axle. How did I avoid making it myself?
Simple. I purchased a replacement rear axle gear set, along with an overhaul instruction book. After reading the instructions, I decided the job was too complex for me, and sent the parts back for a refund!
My rear axle still leaks, but at least my MG knows forward from reverse".
Credits:
- Dr Paul Shuch, guitarist (and much else) took picture 2, showing the TD he restored, entirely successfully.
- Picture 3 was taken by the owner, Jan Borgfelt, a professional photographer and president of Sweden’s M.G. car club. Apart from a respray, it is in largely original condition – after 455,000 miles.
- To save a good man’s blushes, “John Dory” is, of course, a pseudonym.
Thank you Paul - there's a moral there somewhere.
