Inspired by the simple rubric Orders and decorations will be worn, David Bridgeman-Sutton set off down memory lane, starting with the Ladies’ Waiting room in a New Zealand railway station . . .
The words “Orders and decorations will be worn” appeared at the bottom of a recent invitation. They set off an apparently inconsequential series of memories.
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Long ago, just before steam locomotives were finally withdrawn from regular service in New Zealand, we found ourselves at a small and remote railway station in Otago. At first unremarkable, it turned out to have an architectural feature that may well have been unique. The Ladies' Waiting Room was furnished with low benches for the accommodation of those awaiting a delayed train. Among these seats was an altogether more comfortable-looking one. An Elsan closet, unscreened, had been installed near the door. Anyone in situ could continue a conversation uninterrupted, and with no turn at Ludo or Monopoly missed. New Zealand was clearly pushing open-plan living and the equal society to its furthest limits. Lest accounts of this feature should later be regarded as fictitious, Althea took the photograph which is reproduced as picture 1. The image from an early polaroid camera has suffered and been touched up to meet Jenny's exacting standards: the original has been retained in case any doubter needs to be convinced.
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Pic. 1: The Ladies Waiting room in Otago, New Zealand
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The Waiting Room would have surprised and probably delighted our friend, Molly. A few years before we were decanted on to that distant platform, she had been appointed line manager at a large trading organization in London - at that time, she was the only woman to have held such a post there . On the first day, she discovered on her desk a message asking her to report to the Managing Director immediately. She found that urbane man in a highly flustered state. After murmuring something about there being an unforeseen problem with her appointment. he fled, leaving her alone and wondering if she ought to begin job-hunting immediately. Then the MD's Personal Assistant, Mrs Irvine - an unflappable lady - came in accompanied by the vast handbag from which she was never separated.
"The Board of Management has decided that you are too senior to use the general staff lavatory", said this good soul. "They have also decided that you are too junior to use the Director's facilities - so, well, there is nowhere for you to . . . well, go." Molly stated that her face fell at this point.
"Don't worry, though," went on Mrs Irvine. "Plans have been put in hand for a Management level Ladies' to be installed near your office. In the meanwhile, arrangements have been made for you to use the Manager's facilities at Derry & Toms." (This once-famous department store, alas long defunct, was immediately opposite Molly's new offices.) With a flourish, like a conjuror producing a rabbit from a hat, she drew a stout paper container from her handbag. "And just in case we should ever be working here when the shops are closed, here is a supply of pennies for you to use in the convenience at the Underground station across the way."
Molly dined out on that tale for some years. She was an excellent raconteuse. but one who never let strict adherence to fact spoil picturesque incident or dramatic effect. Many concluded the whole episode had been invented to amuse her friends. Foremost among the doubters was Henry. Whilst allowing that such curious rules may have existed in Victorian workplaces, he thought it ridiculous to imagine these having currency anywhere in the 20th century.
Molly dined out on that tale for some years. She was an excellent raconteuse. but one who never let strict adherence to fact spoil picturesque incident or dramatic effect. Many concluded the whole episode had been invented to amuse her friends. Foremost among the doubters was Henry. Whilst allowing that such curious rules may have existed in Victorian workplaces, he thought it ridiculous to imagine these having currency anywhere in the 20th century.
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Then he was offered a job with a large engineering company in the North of England. Here, to his astonishment there were five grades of loo: Directors - allegedly very splendid but never seen by ordinary mortals; Visitors and Customers Only - also quite palatial; White collar staff - good of their kind - and Blue collar workers - basic but adequate. The fifth facilities were designated Management; access could only be gained through possession of a special key, a highly prized status symbol Molly's tale was no longer incredible.
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Not having been issued with a key to Management, he made a practice of using Visitors and Customers Only whenever need arose; this was, in any case, the nearest to his office. In early days, the possibility of the Company Security Officer - a former Regimental Sergeant Major about eight feet tall - placing a heavy hand on his shoulder and stating, in shocked tones "You can't go in there" seemed very real. However, nothing of the sort happened and in due course it seemed safe to discard the dark spectacles and false beard that had been acquired for these expeditions.
After six months, he was summoned to the office of a very senior Director. A warm handshake and he was congratulated on his work and on the contribution he had made to the company. Recognition of this was now due. Henry wondered if he was about to be awarded a larger salary or a better company car, or perhaps both.
After six months, he was summoned to the office of a very senior Director. A warm handshake and he was congratulated on his work and on the contribution he had made to the company. Recognition of this was now due. Henry wondered if he was about to be awarded a larger salary or a better company car, or perhaps both.
The Director from a drawer in his desk a box, perhaps 4 inches long by two inches wide. If Molly were telling this tale, she might well state that this container was velvet-lined, covered in rich morocco and with her monogram in small diamonds. An adherer to the truth, Henry admitted that the box was only of card. Card of highest quality undoubtedly, covered with rexine, stamped with the name of the firm in golden lettering, but still card. Inside, wrapped in tissue paper was THE KEY. Lest it should be confused with lesser keys, it had attached a leather label with the words Managers' Lavatory embossed - again in gilt. A gracious speech from the Director accompanied its presentation. He was, he said, aware that moments of glory like the present came rarely in one's life.
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What made the whole scene especially piquant was the photograph on the wall. The Director was shown outside Buckingham Palace with his family. All were formally dressed - he in top hat and morning coat. Round his neck was a the badge of a splendid Order that had just been bestowed by a grateful Sovereign for Services to Industry. Henry felt that his key admitted him to the same select band of those whose outstanding merits have won them acclaim. He wished his family could be with him.
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Mooted insignia design: Loo key
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Recently, and now in retirement, he received an invitation to a glittering social event: this, too, bears the words "Orders and Decorations will be worn". Owing, he says, to incompetence or jealousy in high places, he has neither Order nor Decoration. His Loo Key is the nearest he has. He compiled a list to other holders of the same distinction; it turned out that there were many more than he had expected, some, even, in that land of the free and equal, the United States of America.
A committee has now been formed to gain formal recognition for the award. After all OLK - Order of the Loo key - is not so different from KG - Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Two alternative designs of insignia are being considered. These are shown in pictures 2 and 3, and the opinions of the general public are sought.
It may not be so long, therefore, before we receive from time to time Invitations that include the following rubric:-
Orders, Decorations and Loo Keys will be worn.
A committee has now been formed to gain formal recognition for the award. After all OLK - Order of the Loo key - is not so different from KG - Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter. Two alternative designs of insignia are being considered. These are shown in pictures 2 and 3, and the opinions of the general public are sought.
It may not be so long, therefore, before we receive from time to time Invitations that include the following rubric:-
Orders, Decorations and Loo Keys will be worn.
David Bridgeman-Sutton, November, 2010
Credits:
Photograph (1) and graphics - Althea Bridgeman-Sutton
Photograph (1) and graphics - Althea Bridgeman-Sutton